Coping With Happiness

one day at a time.

Plankity Plank Plank

Remember when kids use to die in respectable ways, like choking themselves while masturbating? Well, step aside suffocated orgasm, there’s a new kid on the block. Live by the plank…die by the plank.

For those of you who are not hip (anyone reading this), PLANKING, according to my best guesstimate, is a hybrid sport that started as a reaction to being raped while jumping out of a plane to catch a criminal mastermind - James Bond style. This is not true, but, it is way better than the reality that Planking originated in the minds of two bored, English teenagers, and is now blowing up worldwide.

  • whales have been planking for years. 

At this point, pushing the limits of Planking represents the human desire to be the first to take a trend to new levels. If “balling”, the act of curling oneself into the fetal position, became a huge trend, there would be people all over the planet putting in countless hours thinking up places that would provide the best “balling” backdrop. Images of people curled up fetal in the official Vatican bathtub or Anne Frank’s attic would become that of legend. Anyone with enough chutzpah to dream the biggest would have that photo to show the rest of the world, “I did it first.” In our social-media age, one could argue how this notoriety is something worth dying for.

However, it’s this pride-driven impulse that pushes planking enthusiasts to extremes that can cause unemployment and even death (especially in the Australia, where planking is the national pastime). Elegant in its simplicity, and lax in it’s skill requirements, anyone can plank, and so standing out above other plankers means having to think bigger. And in the race for plank supremacy, casualties are inevitable. However, implying the art of planking is inherently dangerous is ignorant. 

At the end of the day, planking is a trend which is not likely to cause death, but it is a trend that attracts the kind of people who could potentially die while planking. Imagine the scenario where you’re a grown ass person. You get a call that your son or daughter has died in a planking accident - after the fourth time the police officer describes what planking is, you realize that you’ll never wonder what great things your child would have gone on to do had they not died. Bitter-sweet?

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